A Crack in The Ice

Something is haunting me today like never before. Something my mother use to say, "I'll never have anything nice with you kids around."
Let that sink in. Deeper. It hurts. Because all that other crap is gone. I try to look past the hurtful way of this culture and for many years I think I did, but eventually it cannot be ignored. People worship things. I came from corrupted souls that put out mixed messages and now I deal with the blatant incorrectness of it all. No wonder everything is left in bits and pieces.
I am expecting some very important guests today and I am trying to make everything look nice or appear well managed and I guess I got a reminder of that horrid thing my mother use to say when my dog left a mark on my bedding and I got all flustered. As I began wiping and trying to get the stain out, I realized that I should be more concerned about my dog than that stupid piece of bedding. For I did make several moves to keep her and cherish our relationship of over seven years. The bedding can be replaced.
I'm sure my mother didn't really mean that she would rather have a well polished, old English style coffee table than her own children, but sometimes I wonder. I know she loved us, but it was a rather thoughtless thing to say and I wonder if I had said similar things to my own child. I probably did worse and I would really like to forgive myself but nature is only going to allow that on it's own terms.
If I had had a logical thinking mind at the time, I might have turned to her and said, "We are the nice things Mom, remember?"