A Crack in The Ice

Something is haunting me today like never before. Something my mother use to say, "I'll never have anything nice with you kids around."
Let that sink in. Deeper. It hurts. Because all that other crap is gone. I try to look past the hurtful way of this culture and for many years I think I did, but eventually it cannot be ignored. People worship things. I came from corrupted souls that put out mixed messages and now I deal with the blatant incorrectness of it all. No wonder everything is left in bits and pieces.
I am expecting some very important guests today and I am trying to make everything look nice or appear well managed and I guess I got a reminder of that horrid thing my mother use to say when my dog left a mark on my bedding and I got all flustered. As I began wiping and trying to get the stain out, I realized that I should be more concerned about my dog than that stupid piece of bedding. For I did make several moves to keep her and cherish our relationship of over seven years. The bedding can be replaced.
I'm sure my mother didn't really mean that she would rather have a well polished, old English style coffee table than her own children, but sometimes I wonder. I know she loved us, but it was a rather thoughtless thing to say and I wonder if I had said similar things to my own child. I probably did worse and I would really like to forgive myself but nature is only going to allow that on it's own terms.
If I had had a logical thinking mind at the time, I might have turned to her and said, "We are the nice things Mom, remember?"

Taken (from my other blog)

Taken

*****


Millions of hand written pages I thought I tossed away, have never left my brain. But, I'll tell you what I don't have, thousands of physical items I once had possession of, shoes, clothes, furniture, gifts from loved ones; time to kill, invitations to be, now all gone; vases, chairs, a bed I so deeply cherished and tried to hold on to, gone. Of spatulas and DVD's, cameras and honey bees, nothing remains the same. There is nothing more constant than change.

My mind covers about two hundred kilometers a minute of all things past and I can't slow it down except to stop my whole body and breathe. It's so tiring, I have to be alone because people bother me. They say things they do not mean and do things without thinking of how it will effect anyone else. The self preservation is understandable, so I just try to preserve myself without them because I would probably be dead if I let them have control.

I once investigated a homocide scene where four people lay dead from gunshot wounds and it turned out that they were taken for a measley amount of two hundred dollars. That's fifty dollars a piece for each of those lives. All the worth they might have tried to be, all the tangible or pysical value they might have tried to produce was leveled down to fifty dollars by someone with revenge eating away at his brain and methamphetamines, a lethal mixture. One of the thousands of combinations that bring about death. Think about the millions whom have died over some pocket cash, maybe even less than fifty dollars, sometimes even seventy five cents, a piece of candy, a pair of tennis shoes, a jacket or a hat. Is your life, is anybodies worth only that?

To all the parents and grandparents, sisters and brothers, doctors and lawyers that wish they could help fight off these destructive addictions, don't suggest the lame solution of God or the lame solution of therapy and by all means don't give them any reason to take your money or steal your items of proposed value, just resign to get rid of it all and say "I advocate a Resouce Based Economy model for society", because that is the only way to fix the situation. If you have nothing of value that you can call yours, there is nothing to sell, nothing to steal. Often, the only thing that protects your possessions from being taken is to kill those who are trying to take it from you, and is that really what you want to do? You may not know it, even just a few minutes before it happens, but if it ever comes to that, your behavior may shock you.

And the moment that you pull that trigger or poison that tea or set off that backpack bomb or load that machine gun or man that tank, you've done it, you have resorted to the lowest of morality, by meaning to take a life for a physical possession that isn't even yours, and will never be yours, because all things physical cannot transcend with you at the end of your life. You don't even have the capacity to take along with you your physical body, Your face, your hair, your eyes, your limbs, all the millions of thoughts hidden in your brain, it all stays to decompose. So what have you done? You have killed someone to save an item that is of the earth only as you might be taken to the heavens, or wherever the hell you go.

I don't profess to know God or even try to understand it. It's not mine to completely understand, I cannot capture the universe as it is or has been because I am a small part and I will change and before I can even see the thing, it is one way and as my eyes might arrange a viewing, it has absolutely changed.

The Spirit of the Stream

It's working. The impact is penetrating. Of course, they shot themselves in the foot. Both feet as a matter of fact. That was helpful. So what I try to say to people and I say it quickly, because I know their mind is broken and focused on something else almost immediately, I say, "Well...what do you need?"

The movement started very slow with just a handful of people who worked diligently with the helpful add-ons of what big business thought was going to be beneficial to them. I wrote to Peter and said, "this thing is going to take of like a rocket...", but forgot to add that a rocket takes off slowly, loudly with lots of smoke and greater disturbance, but when it finally gets off the ground and into the wide open space, it really sails. Suddenly and without warning, the new technologies worked for a much larger group of people that came out of the small handful only a few years ago. Ustream takes large amounts of money from Phillips 66 to advertise, but the people don't care about the advertisement. The advertisements are losing their effect. It's just money that big companies are spending with new media companies that are not going to see the same kind of returns they were getting on paid cable, because the internet culture has a far shorter attention span anyway and moves on to their next interest whenever they want. Coca-Cola promotes itself on Twitter and gets replies instantly that they suck and are an intrusion. That's not the same kind of quiet love they were getting from their Saturday morning spots. No one was instantly talking back to them before. Everything old is not new again. That's the best part of this break. We cannot rely on a steady stream of anything. We just have to be agile and alert while the waves keep coming and going. The shift is not just intangible, it's impregnable because it's so intangible. Big companies and their big money will last only as far as their money does and it is becoming less and less important to have. Even for really poor people who have very little money, they have always known how to depend on themselves and the few resources they have had access to, they are seeing a greater amount of access to what they need as large companies are now trying to be charitable for public relations purposes and more open minded people who have had their eyes opened. It is truly amazing, but it is happening. Those who still want to argue that money can be saved if we are just more responsible with it, lose their argument, in their own beds at night while they are thinking. They are not even in a debate anymore. In their quietest moments, they know. They don't know what to do, but they know. It cannot be saved, because even if we wait for more sensible currency to take form, it won't make it to the finish line before the creators of the new form of life will have already begun showing up and shining. So what if they don't know what love is yet. You grow into it. And this time, no one will have to beat you up to prove it. They will not be able to subject you because they will need you.