A Crack in The Ice

Something is haunting me today like never before. Something my mother use to say, "I'll never have anything nice with you kids around."
Let that sink in. Deeper. It hurts. Because all that other crap is gone. I try to look past the hurtful way of this culture and for many years I think I did, but eventually it cannot be ignored. People worship things. I came from corrupted souls that put out mixed messages and now I deal with the blatant incorrectness of it all. No wonder everything is left in bits and pieces.
I am expecting some very important guests today and I am trying to make everything look nice or appear well managed and I guess I got a reminder of that horrid thing my mother use to say when my dog left a mark on my bedding and I got all flustered. As I began wiping and trying to get the stain out, I realized that I should be more concerned about my dog than that stupid piece of bedding. For I did make several moves to keep her and cherish our relationship of over seven years. The bedding can be replaced.
I'm sure my mother didn't really mean that she would rather have a well polished, old English style coffee table than her own children, but sometimes I wonder. I know she loved us, but it was a rather thoughtless thing to say and I wonder if I had said similar things to my own child. I probably did worse and I would really like to forgive myself but nature is only going to allow that on it's own terms.
If I had had a logical thinking mind at the time, I might have turned to her and said, "We are the nice things Mom, remember?"

The Last Road Run (slurpee)

I am so tired and uncomfortable and dammit if I don't have a fine bed to sleep in anymore. I wish to be free of all these attachments. Or do I?

The attachments I might want seem to be risks that hold me back. The attachments I don't want, I cannot get rid of. My ass is like a led weight. My ankles keep popping in and out. My back feels like it has a shark's tooth sticking out of it. I can't even take a freaking shower in this hell hole. Somebody get me the fuck out of here before I scream. New York was ice cold and I found that my friend was really my worst enemy, so I decided to leave. It wasn't that we couldn't relate, it's that we wouldn't relate. I couldn't get her out of her mess so she wasn't about to create any kind of an escape for me. We would both have to fend for ourselves and that's fine, after all. We were both injured beyond belief, but eventually would become stronger. Maybe. At least I was going to try. I don't know whatever the hell she was going to do. At that point I didn't care much. But, now I had to back track. Back to Chicago, which I was not looking so forward to. Occupy was where I wanted to be anyway.

Without Occupy there would be no way to balance the anger and fatigue.

Mind Cracking

The vicious cycle keeps turning.

While I was a refugee in Chicago over the last winter, (it's a really long story) (remind me to tell it sometime) I was trying to crack through the brainwashed mind of my own son whom was not aware that international bankers controlled everything, from his immense stress over the debt of his college tuition to his worry over the drug addicted neighbor who he suspected was stealing his packages ordered from Amazon, to his father's home value being under water. I couldn't get him to listen or understand long enough. He just wanted to work his salary paid sixty hours a week while feeling insecure about losing it while he spent all of his free time collaborating with other creative artists on a web comic book. He just wanted to experience his new found freedom from parental controls.

Yeah. He has merged on from his parent controlled life to the invisible parents controlling his life out in the BIG world, and the entire time he thinks he has freedom to choose.

The Freedom of Choice

The freedom of choice. How sad that really is. People walking everywhere thinking they control their own thoughts, they control their own hearts and emotions, they control their own behavior without being adequately attuned to so many of the influences that surround them. (deep breath here)

What if science were to be the best decider, without a profit motive or need for money attached? What if science were to replace political debates? Would this really be replacing the human experience or spirit?

This is how I kind of imagine it would look. I am living in a fully equipped and environmentally safe structure and I am receiving the best medical advice from not doctors but my computer and suddenly an alert is displayed. It's not irritating, it's just a message. A severe weather warning. But, I don't have to run into a corner of the room or crouch inside a doorway, I just have to know why my apartment or housing structure is about to protect me by changing the window tint or locking up the open hatches by automatically closing them for me.

"Darn" I snap. "I wanted to go out and sit on the patio this morning." Damn, that scientific warning system from keeping me locked up inside. I could be out there getting battered by hail and thrown over by winds. This science is really getting on my nerves. "Oh well. I can't blame the weather. I guess I'll just go over to the image screen and turn on my choice of programming." And I decide to choose the image and sounds of the roaring fireplace. How quickly I can change my desires from warmth to warmth.

Is having the freedom to choose really the best thing for a person? That depends I suppose, on whom else or what else is helping me or influencing me to make my decisions.

A young girl is informed by her doctors (conveys what scientific tests reveal) that it will be a strain on her body if she carries her pregnancy full term. Her high blood pressure and diabetes could bring about her death during child birth (risk). But, she doesn't believe in abortion. She has been taught it is a sin to kill another human life while it is growing inside her (religion). She has already formed an attachment to the unborn child and would rather take her chances and give birth (unfounded).

Her parents want to save her, so they want her to make the safe choice, but she already made the unsafe choice by having sex without contraception. (religion and emotional influence from boy who wanted to have sex) Her own biological hormones influenced her to want to have sex also and is there a medication that numbs the body from wanting to have sex? Yes. It's your choice of anti-depressants.

Will science be allowed to make all human decisions in the future? Is that what is scaring the hell out of everyone who do not want to imagine what it would be like to get rid of ridiculous political banter and war creating border controls? Are you kidding me?

While money is the center point for border control and political parties and workers who want to work and the unemployed drug addict who can't work but needs money to sustain a drug habit and the wealth behind drug lords and the banker's bullet, what is the difference between choosing science for social concern with monetary backing and science for social concern without monetary backing?

Give me a few minutes and not only will I crack your noggin, I will scramble your brains. MMMMM. I'm feeling hungry.